PRISONER

No shackles, no bars here.
Yet still I feel my four walls close in.
I exhaust myself in my thoughts.
“I am tired!”
But these are my walls, I built them.
No one except me can hold me here.
“Why am I fixated on feeling this pain?”

I know that it is I that created the shade.
I invited the pain in, though I welcomed you in blindly.
In myself I am lost and yet here is only where I can be found.
How do I wish for this to end?
Is it I that must choose to see?
My eyes are too tired.
This place is too dark.
“Why can I not escape?”

You may think I’m captive but I am not your prisoner.
You can’t have my soul.
I recognize this place.
I step back and I feel the cold concrete behind me.
My hands are reluctant to hold onto the cracks within my memory.
I open my chest and in inhale one last taste of fear.
Can my breath give light for this one moment?
Can I see me amid my panic?
“Oh please don’t let me lose sight of this light.”
I will embrace this moment and I will say farewell to this night.

Amazing Crystal Cave - How Earth Made Us - S1 Ep1 Preview - BBC Two

Preshous Designs

My website is finally up!
I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am excited to see what happens. There is though a slight problem.....nobody knows I exist. The challenge now is to create the traffic neccessary to make this business happen. The same goes for this blog that I have to admit I abandon quite often. Please know that if my creative light is not passing through these blogs, it is indeed evolving into all other areas that need it. So how do I get this ball rolling? I am taking the cheapest steps possible, if I had the money to advertise my website I would probably be too busy to write about the challenge itself. So I am killing all braincells that would normally be wasted on really bad cheap television. I find myself feeling confused and yet excited to be able to disrobe from my blanket of saftey and take more risks. I am vunerable as is my bank, but I have come to far in this project to decide that finances are my reason for stopping. I have created this dream, all I need now is to find the happy ending.

http://www.preshousdesigns.com/

What can you say...really?

Aahhhh.........judgment.
Do we not have enough of this yet? Are you wanting more? Oh wait! Of course you are. If you are unfulfilled enough you will be judging someone,somewhere. I have been seeing it quite often recently. I applaud those that know to ignore such verbally uncontrolled rants. I see those that do not see themselves. I watch as you think your chosen God leads you to do such things. Unfortunately your actions tell something quite different.
There are many in this world that have decided that they do not need guidance, that their minds are set and their wisdom already gained. I am here to remind those that think they have already learned, have yet to unlearn.
How much longer do you think your false presentation of self will hold up? Every encounter, whether it be through interactions with friends or with someone you just met,is your mirror. Oh yes, you can hide your self away from your physical reflection but again I'm here to remind you that your actions, how you communicate, how you react, will be evident in every single encounter.
The world is your mirror, the world see's you.

EGO

Moving forward without expectation and without reward is a harder job than we think. Challenge yourself to live with the feeling of only peace and allow any other experience to become your destiny. Our ego is a tricky disease. Just as we believe we have allowed our minds to let go of it, there it is sneaking up behind us once again. I can assure you that I write this from total experience. I am walking with the need of this want. There is no way out of this dilemma unless I get crushed from an outcome that would be of less fortune. Now let me ask you and I guess myself this……Is it so important for us to wait until we are disappointed before we can loose the ego? Why not train our minds into giving more effort into allowing whatever will be will be. We can at least from that perspective gain confidence in knowing that the effort we gave was as wholesome as the reward itself. I still question this as I write, as from any experience I have had or will have, the ego at will, will refuse to leave. From this view of the ego I can also tell you that when our hearts are in true emotion of what we want, the outcome will not have to be of disappointment. The destiny that we dream of can only be created from creating balance. Align your true desire without the ego and enjoy the ride.

Allowing

When you feel pushed into a corner, and having an option seems like just an idea, allow yourself to remember who you are. Know one has control over anything you do, no matter the circumstances. And though you may feel at times that you are chained, allow yourself to remember that you are not. You have your free will. This cannot be owned, no matter the position you may find yourself in. The opportunities you have are limitless. It is only fear that takes you hostage and distorts the clearer view of your options. Allow your self to be open to changes that are necessary and know that upon the arrival of changes you did not expect, you will also bring rewards from your faith and trust in the unknowing events to come. Wherever the destination may greet you, know that you will have a safe landing. And your journey of self discovery will be an ever evolving part of life that see's you as it's Brother, Sister, Father and Mother. And therefore you will always be looked after. Do not allow another's fear to effect your connection to you. Believe in yourself and believe in the trust that open's all doors.

Coming together.

So it's been a while since I have written. I truly have missed it. It helps me breath a lot more easier when I allow myself to be put into words. I am currently working hard on creating wonderful pieces of jewelry. I am excited to put out my work and see what happens. I am also anxious as to whether or not my pieces will sell. But it is with that thought that I must remember that the journey is far more important than the outcome. I love what I am doing, I feel secure in the beauty that is being created. But as with any thought of the unknown, I allow the fear to sway my journey. There is no proof that my work will pay off financially, but there is the knowledge that if you do not try at something and put yourself out there, you will never know what you are capable of. Do not allow fear to prevent you from taking chances and risks. Life can be a challenge yes, but life is also meant to be lived.

Climb your mountain.

Pushing forth.

So this jewelry thing......I now realize that I'm going a little deeper than I had planned to. And not just deep into my own pocket. I'm learning so much from making mistakes, from going a little step further every time. I don't really have enough flow of money to be doing what I am doing, and yet I cannot help but take the risk anyway. It is very easy to put my plans aside and continue to do the day jobs that take care of the bills, but then the passion for such is not there. Giving into such an easy plan does not sit well. Know matter how much of a struggle I may find myself in, I still cannot give up. And I urge anyone reading this, that if you have your plans and dreams that you are thinking of putting back on that shelf...."STOP!"
Don't give up, instead give in. Give in to your passion, for it is a feeling from where dreams grow and become your reality.

Beginning With Me

You may wonder where your travels take you when you have no map.
You may decide that fear itself will pull you back into reverse.
You may give in to the ultimate plan of whats expected.
Do you desire what is expected,
Or do you recognize the flaws within the perfection?

Everything arrives in perfect time, just be sure it was what you wanted.
Too many in this frozen state think they have found their home.
Are you ready to pull the blinds and see beyond your self created wounds?
Happiness and dreams are of choice.

Know who you are before you decide what you want.

PURSUIT

I travel this road alone in my thoughts
Unknown at times to the surrounding efforts given by the universe,
Unknown to the omnipresent energy that feeds me through every uncertain step.
I yearn for proof of a life that reflects my deepest dreams.
I want no less, my passion is too deep, my drive is too strong.
I must go on.
I cannot look back, for fear sees me and encourages me to turn with false love.
I do not want to lose what I now have gained, it is not a gift so easily attained.
To share I must, but only through my experience, my trust.
I open all doors.
I am ready to stride.

"Yet another project!"

Okay, so I have already stated my current projects I am working on, but for someone like myself I obviously do not quite feel challenged enough. I have started yet another project. This had no plan, just an idea that decided to join me on my way home from work. I was trying to forget about it, erase the never-ending ideas that were coming through to me. This I can confidently tell you did not work, and yet I am excited about it. Part of me feels crazy for manifesting another creative part of myself, but hey I cannot help myself. It breathes and lives through me as if strapped up to a ventilator. If I ignore how this attachment feeds me, I am in fact ignoring myself, and if you knew my past you would understand that going backwards is not a place I care to visit. I am loving this new found expression. It's like an express line to your soul, I feel blessed and alive.
There is maybe only one problem, if indeed it is a problem....
How do I decide which project deserves the most attention?
At this point I am running with it, full speed ahead, doing what I feel and anxious for the completion. Of course I am aware that allowing in any anxiety will only slow down my work. I am still learning.

Oh! so the other project: a fictional story that has not yet decided if it needs a hard back, or an actor to bring it's lines to life.
To be continued......

The first order of this week is......................to allow you all in on my travel towards gaining more self confidence. After all it took me a whole bunch just to log in.

Was it really something to fear?...not really. This part was actually quite easy, but what makes me nervous is that I am probably going to share quite a bit in the coming months.

I started this blog to allow you in during my progress of becoming the true artist that I am. I have three projects that I am working on:

1. My book.

2. My website for my jewelry line.

3. To continue my growth as a painter.

and due to me giving excuses from time to time, of not having time to work on one of these projects. I decided I needed to release, and when needed.........a swift kick up the back side if you are reading this.

I desire to know more artists, more people with an attention to what this world needs. I wish to know more people that are wide open and ready to make the changes in their life, and to truly remember what it is like to be alive.

I am open:)

So here I go. My very first blog.

I have come on here to share my dreams, my fears, and every other thought provoking subject of belief. I am 100% creative on the inside. I am now learning to completely recognize that fact and allow it to over take all that I currently am. I live a life that is needed, for example, work, bills, and other responsibility's. I may not like everything about it, but it is my life.

Although now, I am very ready to take on the challenge of completely focusing on my dreams. Not just my desires of achievements however, but my dreams of trusting myself in what I do, and in who I am. I have a wonderful life that I love, and as I said earlier......I may not like every part of it, but I appreciate it, I own it, and I love that I have the ability to truly feel it.